Posts filed under ‘Deployment’

Missing Daddy

My poor sweet girl is having a hard time re-adjusting to not talking to her daddy everyday.  Its only been about a week or so since his ship shoved off and headed on deployment.  There hasnt been a ton of communication between him and I, but I do udpate him on what is going on with her.  But that doesnt really do a 4 year old much good.  She misses talking to him on the phone and skyping ever couple days.  Butwhat she really misses is being able to play and hug her daddy.

She’s handled most of this like a frigging champ, and I really cannot complain.  She is an awesome kid that is so full of joy and love.  But every night when I put her to bed the tears start.  And my heart breaks in two.  She’s generally not just trying to stay up a few extra minutes.  No, she does that by saying she’s hot, needs a sip of water, wants new jammies, or has to go potty.  So when she wont let me go when I hug her, and she starts to cry… thats real.  I have no idea what to do or say to make it better.  I just tell her that daddy loves and misses her, and that Ill give her extra hugs until he comes back.  Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesnt.

Now let me tell you, I am a loving mother, but I set strict limits when it comes to bedtime and I always have.  I dont mess around.  I say bedtime, you go.  End of story.  My daughter has been testing us at bedtime for a while now, but she’s never gotten ANY give.  Some people may think this is weird, but unless it was a late night feeding when she was an infant…. I never rocked my daughter to sleep.  Ever.  That is until a couple of weeks ago.  My daughter had the absolute biggest melt down of her life and just couldnt calm herself down.  I decided to give, and rocked her for a few minutes and she fell right to sleep.  (Of course she has been asking me to do this every night since).  Then the other night, she just wanted me to hug her and wouldnt let me go.  I found myself wondering – “why am I fighting her on this?  When she is just sad and missing her daddy.”  I knew she wasnt acting like that just to misbehave.  So I layed down with her and let her cuddle with me for 20 minutes.

Maybe Im learning that at times I can be too rigid.  Im trying to say “Yes” to her more often, and that sometimes includes bedtime.  One extra snuggle on the couch wont kill me, and chances are she will still fall asleep at the same time regardless.  Mind you, Im not tossing my rules out the window.  But rather, Im coming to terms with the fact that my little sensitive girl is having a tough time too, and she needs a little extra love and understanding.  Hell I  know I’ve needed that myself.

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March 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm Leave a comment

Ahh Life

I dont want to do that thing where I apologize for not blogging in a while, because Ive been busy.  Life got in the way of blogging again.  😉

Well what’s happened?  I’ve been slowly climbing out of this funk I’ve been in since I moved back to Michigan.  I had to tell myself that this is where I am, and I need to make the best of it while I am here.  Ideally, I would like to be back in Southern California to live out my days.  But when and how I can get back there is still up in the air.  The Little Miss and I just got back from a trip out to San Diego for a week.  My friends were just as anxious to get us back out there, and they were scheming up a storm to figure out how we can do it quickly.  All in all it was a wonderfully relaxing trip with gorgeous weather, good friends, and a good time had by all.  I would like to go back this summer, but it might not be financially feasible, considering Im saving up all my pennies to move back.  But we shall see.

In other news, D found out that his ship is going on a super secret deployment for an extended period of time.  Its not really all that secret, but you know…. OPSEC.  They are already talking about communication being pretty poor, so that’s lovely.  I hope its better than they are predicting, but its the Navy so I dont have my hopes too high.  I would like to be able to send pictures and updates to him about our daughter at the very least, since they wont be able to see each other until, oh, sometime next year.  GAH.

And Spring is deciding to show up here in Michigan a little early, which I am seriously not complaining about.  It was a mild winter by all standards, and I still hated it.  I was miserable.  And cold.  I hate to be cold.  The sun is shining a lot more, so I get a dose of vitamin D when I go for a jog in the afternoons. I can feel my mood is definitely perking up.

I’ve also started drinking green smoothies every day.  Its only been about a week and a half, but I can definitely feel the difference.  I am getting more fruits and veggies into my daily diet and of course that means vitamins.  Im not craving crap foods like I was before.  Im not feeling as hungry throughout the day either.  Also, I am not craving breads, pastas and heavy carbs like I used to.  But most importantly, my blood sugar seems to be more stable during the day, and Im not crashing in between meals.  Which is a huge plus!

So what am I putting into my smoothie?

  • 1 cup spinach
  • 1 cup (wild) blueberries
  • 1 medium banana
  • juice from half of an orange (freshly squeezed)
  • 3/4 cup water
  • Optional – Handful of almonds (grind up in a coffee grinder first, or you get a grainy texture in your smoothie).  Sometimes I just eat the almonds on the side.

Blend in a high powered blender for about 1 minute.  It may not look all that great, but its tasty.  I promise, you cant even taste the spinach!  I am going to buy some kale this weekend and try that out.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

Take care everyone!

March 15, 2012 at 6:31 am Leave a comment

Neglectful

I have been in a funk.  The kind where I am kind of in a daze staring into space a lot of the time.  Im trying hard to keep my mind off of my husband’s upcoming deployment.  We are now counting his departure in days, not weeks.  We are all sorts of sad in our house, but we are trying to make the best of the time we have before he headss out.  But in my funky pre-deployment depression I am doing a few things I normally dont do.  I am full on binge eating.  I.Cannot.Stop.Eating.Junk.  I eat when Im not hungry.  And when I am hungry, I just keep on eating once I get that full feeling.  Its a shitty way of coping, since I have since gained back the 8 pounds I lost when we moved here.  And that makes me more depressed.  Its a vicious cycle.

Another thing Im doing is watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix from the beginning of the series like a crazed addict.  I watched seasons 1-5 in less that two weeks.  I was watching at our Mac while also working.  Its my distraction.  I work all day and have it on in the background and there is no extra room in my brain to think about anything else.  My work hasnt been suffering since Ive seen all the episodes and its mostly background noise.  But I havent read a blog, went on Twitter hardly at all, and I’ve barely been on Facebook.  I haven’t chatted with my friends, or even texted anyone.  So pretty much If you arent in my living room, I havent talked to you.

So sorry to all my friends, I’ve been neglectful.  I miss you.  Like I said, I’ve been in a funky daze the past few weeks.

January 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm 1 comment

Mmmm…. Red Velvet

Its Friday night and my husband has duty.  Im spending the evening in one of my favorite ways… eating red velvet cupcakes and drinking some Cupcake Vineyards Red Velvet wine.  Yes. There is a Red Velvet wine.  Well, it doesnt actually taste like Red Velvet. But it gets points for being a velvety smooth red blend.  A friend brought a bottle over on New Years Eve and we both fell in love.  So after tracking it down for the past week, I finally got my hands on a bottle.  Or two.  But who’s counting… my husband isnt here 😉   I’ve also been craving some actual red velvet cake for the past week so I picked some of that up too.  It’s true that if no one sees me eat it / drink it, then the calories dont count, right?  Totally thought so.

So to round out the rest of the food for the evening, I made a homemade zucchini and mushroom pizza.  Delish!  Even Baby Girl loves it, even if she does make me pick off every single piece of vegtable on the pizza.  Whatever, she hate 2 and a half slices so I’ll take it.

Anyways, Im getting into the deployment mindset.  Every duty day reminds me of what it will be like to be home alone by myself with Baby Girl all over again.  Im in a weird place about it all.  Im not excited about it, but Im not dreading it.  But the reality has set in that in a certain number of weeks, we will be one family member less in this house.  Ive accepted it and am thankful for the time we have left.  Tomorrow is date night, which is going to be awesome 🙂

It did hit me though… how in the 7 or so months he will be gone how much our daughter will change.  She will practically be 4 when he gets back.  Developmentally she will be light years ahead of where she is now.  She changes so much every day now.  I am constantly in a state of wonder by the things she says and does.  She is my little kick ass rock star and I love her.  I couldnt imagine spending 7 months away from her.  I cannot imagine how D will be able to do it.  The best we can do is hope that time flies for all of us.

Well enough of that.  Im 1 glass down, 3/4 of a bottle of Red Velvet to go 😉  And I have a pile of chick flicks calling my name.  Have a great Friday night all.

January 7, 2011 at 10:13 pm 5 comments

Happy New Year and all that jazz…

Well I made it to 2011.  I’d say its quite a feat after the 2010 that I had.  Some days I was worried about dropping into a stress induced coma, or getting sent to an insitiution for attacking someone in a fit of rage / mental breakdown, or packing up my shit to go live in a tent on the beach.  But thankfully, none of it happened.  However, my job morphed into a different position, and something I hate.  Im still on the waitlist for about 5 classes and registered for none.  And my wallet is usually more empty than full.  But Im alive.  And healthy.  And my family is in one piece.  So I definitely have things to be thankful for.  And right this minute, I am doing alright.

Baby Girl decided one day that she was potty trained and ever since that second, she has not worn one pull-up or diaper.  It was Thanksgiving morning to be exact.  She came out and said – Mommy, Daddy, I have to go potty.  Then she went.  And continued to use the toilet all day.  And the next day.  And a  month later, no setbacks.  She is fully potty trained.  She is dry all night too.  To me, that just proves she was being a stubborn shit for most of last year 😉  She used the potty here and there, but she didnt want to give up her pull-ups.  But one day, she had enough being stubborn and was done with it.   Ahh, like mother like daughter I guess.

And with the New Year, most people are busy making resolutions and saying – this will be the best year ever.  But I cant do that this year.  Because my husband will be deploying a matter of weeks and will be gone most of the year.  Not that I am reliant upon my husband to be happy… but without him it will be another lonely year.  Another year being a single parent.  And another year where many challenges lie ahead.

But I do resolve to try and make the most of it.  Im still hoping I can register for some classes (fingers crossed!!!), maybe start doing yoga, get baby girl in some sort of class herself too.  I vow to get outdoors more this summer and play with my daughter more when we are indoors.  I want to read as many books as I can without being a neglectful mother.  And I want to get some muscle tone in my arms (and abs).  But none of those are resolutions for the new year.  They are just things that I think will help me be a happier me in 2011.

And here’s to you, dear bloggy friends.  I hope you all have a wonderful and prosperous New Year.

January 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm 4 comments

I <3 Hugs!

I was sent a hug award by my friend Brittany (over at My Army Wife Life).  And since I love hugs so much I just had to participate.  🙂

The rules for this award are:
One: Tell us about a memorable hug you’ve had. It can be a person, pet, whatever…
Two: “Hug” at least one other blogger or as many as you like!

My most memorable hug is with my husband.  Its actually the one in the banner above (at the time we didnt know the picture was being taken).  He was leaving for a deployment, and it was my first experience with that, and it was incredibly hard to say goodbye to him.  We had gotten engaged only a few days before, and I just wanted to stay with him a little longer.  It has become one of my favorite pictures, and one of my most powerful memories.

Some other lovely people that I would like to Hug are:

Liberal Granola Girl

The Mrs. at Trying Our Best

Mrs. Not-So-Domesticated

To the Nth

Wife of a Sailor


April 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm 4 comments

Of Windows & Wonder

Well… I started working in the office for my new job.  That was the original game plan.  Start out in the office, get up to speed and then transition to working from home when I go to San Diego.  I guess they were letting some people go, so they had me and another girl start at home and start in the office on Monday.  I was surprised when I got there and I was shown to an office!  I thought I was going to be working in the other side of the office suite in a cubicle.  But hooray, I have an office for the time being.  And there are windows!  That is awesome.  It does help the mood to get up for a stretch for a minute and take a look out the window.  I know Im only two days into working into the office, but so far so good.  Most everyone seems pretty nice and helpful.  Im a little skeptical of a few people, but Ill only be around for a few months, so Im not sweating it 🙂

In other news, D went downtown and officially checked out of recruiting.  He had a meeting with the CO and a few other people.  I guess they had nothing but good things to say about him.  We also found out a few weeks ago, that iout of  the whole district, he got the best Eval score of any E6.  And his personal best Eval score.  I am very proud of him.  We are really hoping that when he is up for Chief next year, that it reflects how well he has done here recruiting and it helps his chances of making it the first time around.  *fingers crossed*

Anyways, so since he has checked out that means we are starting off the next phase of the Navy life adventure.  He is packing up right now, and he heads out on Friday.  He starts school in Virginia next Monday.  He will be there until the first week in May.  So its not tragic or anything.  But we have been here under this roof for 3 solid years.  And man we are so lucky that we can say that.  But maybe we got a little soft.  We have forgotten what it is like to spend the majority of our lives apart.  What its like to be living together through our phones, emails, pictures and weekend trips. Thankfully we get the chance to ease into it a little.  He will only be 10 hours away.  So we can both pack up and meet somewhere in the middle for a few days.  We can see each other as much as his schedule will allow. 

So, needless to say I am pretty sad that D is leaving.  For the first time, we will be apart and I will be handling all the parenting by myself.  I know I can handle it.  But I have caught myself building up the anxiety in my head.  It has been such a long time since we have been in this position that Ive had a hard time not comparing it to a deployment.  I know they are different, but I find myself having similar emotional reactions.  Fighting back tears when I think about attending functions by myself.  How bath duty for Baby Girl is all on me.  Why am I doing this?  I have no idea.  I know its not that big of a deal.  I need to snap out of it.  I need to remain positive, and hopefully the time flies.

Anyways, enough rambling for tonight.

January 5, 2010 at 11:10 pm 7 comments

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