Posts filed under ‘Family’

Moving, maybe ?

So, even though things are still so damn up in the air right now, I have decided to add a few other things to that juggling act.  The biggest thing is that Im seriously considering packing up and moving down to Virginia when D gets stationed back in the States.  This is something that we discussed extensively while we were in the process of getting our divorce, and something that we both take very seriously.  When he left for Japan we had no idea at all what his next set or orders would be, and if that meant he was coming back to the US, or if he would be staying out in the Asian Pacific longer than planned (oh gods we hoped not).  Thankfully he has a set of orders in hand right now, and it looks like late November will be the realistic timeline for him to move back.

The last time we discussed the little one and I relocating was over a year ago, and we kind of left things in a grey area.  I was trying my hardest to move on from our failed relationship and was actually hoping that by now I’d have some reason to stay here.  Not that I actually want to live in Michigan forever, because lets be honest we know I dont.  But that maybe I’d have a person making staying here worth it.  But alas, I also failed at dating (which freaking sucks btw) because I wasnt really over my divorce, and now I find myself in the position that relocating sounds like a it could be a reality.

Of course, there are pros and cons to everything.  Of course the biggest glaring con is that D and I have this weird relationship where we are half best friends, half trying to move past all our past drama.  At this point, we are not getting back together and who knows if that is even an option down the road.  So we would both be living in a new city and not knowing anyone else but each other.  That may make things weird.

Another con is that financially it would be a bit tight, but could be done. I would have to cut back a lot in order to make things feasible.  I hate apartment living, but it may be the way to go if we move to the Fredericksburg area.

I know that I definitely want to move to Virginia Beach though, once he is stationed down there in mid-2015.  I actually like that area a lot.  Though, I met D when he was living there and we spent a lot of time out and about when we were dating there.  Again, that would be weird.  But maybe no more weird than when I first moved back home to MI and started going to all those places we used to go together.  I think Virginia Beach is much easier financially for me.

Anyways, this is all still just a discussion and things are up in the air, but it is something that is weighing heavily on my mind right now. Here’s hoping that we can make things work somehow.

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July 25, 2013 at 12:27 pm Leave a comment

Missing Daddy

My poor sweet girl is having a hard time re-adjusting to not talking to her daddy everyday.  Its only been about a week or so since his ship shoved off and headed on deployment.  There hasnt been a ton of communication between him and I, but I do udpate him on what is going on with her.  But that doesnt really do a 4 year old much good.  She misses talking to him on the phone and skyping ever couple days.  Butwhat she really misses is being able to play and hug her daddy.

She’s handled most of this like a frigging champ, and I really cannot complain.  She is an awesome kid that is so full of joy and love.  But every night when I put her to bed the tears start.  And my heart breaks in two.  She’s generally not just trying to stay up a few extra minutes.  No, she does that by saying she’s hot, needs a sip of water, wants new jammies, or has to go potty.  So when she wont let me go when I hug her, and she starts to cry… thats real.  I have no idea what to do or say to make it better.  I just tell her that daddy loves and misses her, and that Ill give her extra hugs until he comes back.  Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesnt.

Now let me tell you, I am a loving mother, but I set strict limits when it comes to bedtime and I always have.  I dont mess around.  I say bedtime, you go.  End of story.  My daughter has been testing us at bedtime for a while now, but she’s never gotten ANY give.  Some people may think this is weird, but unless it was a late night feeding when she was an infant…. I never rocked my daughter to sleep.  Ever.  That is until a couple of weeks ago.  My daughter had the absolute biggest melt down of her life and just couldnt calm herself down.  I decided to give, and rocked her for a few minutes and she fell right to sleep.  (Of course she has been asking me to do this every night since).  Then the other night, she just wanted me to hug her and wouldnt let me go.  I found myself wondering – “why am I fighting her on this?  When she is just sad and missing her daddy.”  I knew she wasnt acting like that just to misbehave.  So I layed down with her and let her cuddle with me for 20 minutes.

Maybe Im learning that at times I can be too rigid.  Im trying to say “Yes” to her more often, and that sometimes includes bedtime.  One extra snuggle on the couch wont kill me, and chances are she will still fall asleep at the same time regardless.  Mind you, Im not tossing my rules out the window.  But rather, Im coming to terms with the fact that my little sensitive girl is having a tough time too, and she needs a little extra love and understanding.  Hell I  know I’ve needed that myself.

March 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm Leave a comment

Two Months

Its been two months since we’ve filed for divorce. Well,technically I filed for divorce.  But since its amicable, we did the process together.  Since then, Ive been in a weird state.  Im not exactly single, and not exactly married.  What am I?

D is still in town for another few weeks before he leaves for Japan for two years.  He is staying with friends, but does visit with us and has even spent the night a few times.  So far things have been going pretty well.  But I am nervous about what it will be like when he is actually gone.  What will happen when one or both of us moves on?  We are in the fuzzy grey area and in this holding pattern out of respect for each other and for the sake of our daughter.  And as crazy as it sounds, I am glad to have him around.  And that we are still friendly enough to text each other about our inside jokes or how our day has been.  But those days are numbered and pretty soon, I won’t just have lost a husband… I will have lost a friend too.  Honestly, I think that sounds worse.  I’ve come to accept the fact that our marriage wasn’t going to work.  But the friendship underneath it is something I still do cherish.

I guess only time will tell how it all will play out.  Until then, I am just going to continue to how with the flow.  But damn, it makes me sad.

December 8, 2011 at 7:35 am 2 comments

Moving On Up… To The East Side…

Well my husband came home from his deployment about two weeks ago for a couple reasons, one of them being medical.  He will not be completing his deployment as scheduled and right now things are kind of up in the air as far as the long term plans go.  However, we do know that he will be here with us for at least the next 6 months to sort everything out.  I dont really want to get into all the personal details, because well… they are personal.  But for us, this is a good thing for him to be able to come home.

We have also decided to move.  The place we are in now only harbors bad juju for us, and we need to get away from that.  As much as I will miss the views of the water and the cool coastal breezes, we need to get out of here.  Stat.  So we found a great rental farther inland, and its an actual house.  No more condo living for us.  It was fun living in the  city, and walking a lot, and people watching.  But oh man I cannot friggin WAIT to have a backyard again.  I cannot wait to have a full size washer and dryer, not the stackable craptastic apartment sized ones they call full sized.  HA.  If you can only fit 3 towels in a washer, its not “full size”.  I cannot wait to have a separate dining room and kitchen.  The new place has a huge California room that will be a den / office.  No more working in the living room 🙂  Our daughter’s room will be bigger than a shoebox and the master bedroom has french doors that open to the backyard and a small patio.  Oranges, pomegranates, avocados, and mint all grow in the backyard.  Oh I cannot wait.  Two more weeks and we are officially taking over the place and will start moving in.  It will be good for us to get a change of scenery and have a nice neighborhood to be able to stroll around in.  And it will be much quieter and calmer.  Ill still miss seeing the water everyday… but its not like we will be that far from it or anything.

This is good for us.  A step in a positive direction.  And Im excited.

March 10, 2011 at 9:09 am 1 comment

Happy New Year and all that jazz…

Well I made it to 2011.  I’d say its quite a feat after the 2010 that I had.  Some days I was worried about dropping into a stress induced coma, or getting sent to an insitiution for attacking someone in a fit of rage / mental breakdown, or packing up my shit to go live in a tent on the beach.  But thankfully, none of it happened.  However, my job morphed into a different position, and something I hate.  Im still on the waitlist for about 5 classes and registered for none.  And my wallet is usually more empty than full.  But Im alive.  And healthy.  And my family is in one piece.  So I definitely have things to be thankful for.  And right this minute, I am doing alright.

Baby Girl decided one day that she was potty trained and ever since that second, she has not worn one pull-up or diaper.  It was Thanksgiving morning to be exact.  She came out and said – Mommy, Daddy, I have to go potty.  Then she went.  And continued to use the toilet all day.  And the next day.  And a  month later, no setbacks.  She is fully potty trained.  She is dry all night too.  To me, that just proves she was being a stubborn shit for most of last year 😉  She used the potty here and there, but she didnt want to give up her pull-ups.  But one day, she had enough being stubborn and was done with it.   Ahh, like mother like daughter I guess.

And with the New Year, most people are busy making resolutions and saying – this will be the best year ever.  But I cant do that this year.  Because my husband will be deploying a matter of weeks and will be gone most of the year.  Not that I am reliant upon my husband to be happy… but without him it will be another lonely year.  Another year being a single parent.  And another year where many challenges lie ahead.

But I do resolve to try and make the most of it.  Im still hoping I can register for some classes (fingers crossed!!!), maybe start doing yoga, get baby girl in some sort of class herself too.  I vow to get outdoors more this summer and play with my daughter more when we are indoors.  I want to read as many books as I can without being a neglectful mother.  And I want to get some muscle tone in my arms (and abs).  But none of those are resolutions for the new year.  They are just things that I think will help me be a happier me in 2011.

And here’s to you, dear bloggy friends.  I hope you all have a wonderful and prosperous New Year.

January 4, 2011 at 1:22 pm 4 comments

Moving (On)

D and I had a talk yesterday about us moving on from all this drama in our lives.  We both want to try and make things work.  We will be seeing a counselor as soon as he gets back, and hopefully be back on track.  There is definitely a part of me that wonders if its even possible.  But my thinking is that if we go to counseling and both of us are honest and lay everything on the table, and we cant move on from there… then I feel like we both have given it everything.  Of course, we will both go into it with open minds and hearts.

We also talked about his upcoming deployment very early next year.  He really really wants me to go home to Michigan.  I dont want to, but I am running out of fight.  Sure it will be easier with family around, and my best friends.  And yes we could save a good deal of money.  But I will have to move twice in a 6 month time period, after we just moved here.  And I want to build my life here.  I dont want to feel like I cant make it here without him.  Because I know I can.  I think he will feel more secure in our marriage if I am home though.  I think he wont worry as much, knowing we will have so many people around to be there for us.

Part of me feels like it is running away.  I dont want that.  So I am torn.  Sigh.  I guess we have a few more months to figure it out.

November 3, 2010 at 12:18 pm 9 comments

Hope

For the first time in a couple months I have hope again.  Hope that my marriage will survive and we can work things out.  I finally feel like we are on the same page, and we can just move on from here.  And I am happy about it.  I hope that soon we can both say that we are happy again.  Living our life in bliss even if we are not physically together at the moment.

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Also, I hope that most of you know about the counseling resources provided to military families by MilitaryOneSource.  Its very simple and easy to use.  All you have to do is call, and someone will get you set up with a counselor.  I am currently using this for personal counseling, however my husband and I will be going to a marriage counselor when he gets back from this underway.  Its honestly such a great service, so please keep it in mind for the future if you ever need it.

November 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm 2 comments

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